naturalstrandswillfindthemselvestogether, become one.

Every night before I go to bed
I call my father and I tell him I’m thankful for his guidance
I love him, and I’ll call him in the morning on my way to class
He’s a busy man and he says
You don’t get much done when your mouth is doing all the work
The conversations are short
I usually lie about what I’m doing, tell him I’ve got things to do
And hang up quickly before he can feel my tremor through the static
Like braille his brains could read
But I don’t want him to feel me

He tells me he’s embarrassed his son
Can’t function without assistance
That my drive 300 miles to sanity every night
Is a waste of resources and thank god for health insurance
Because a real man could stand on his own
He tells me I should pray more
Asks me why I destroy my skin with ink
“Its a damn shame boy, to cover what god created”
And coloring over an already tainted picture only masks the memory
You can’t hide what has already been painted

I paid a stranger to tattoo clarity to my lower lip
so if i didn’t know what to say
I would at least know where to find some answers
And I don’t wanna put the lead back in the chamber
Because in my brain matter on the wall behind me
You can see everything I was ever thinking

It was a beautiful day outside
I hung a noose by the window
Watching my shadow tip toe up the wall
I was dangling just above low enough to touch
And I liked the pressure
To feel the bombs in my throat instead of in my head
I couldn’t cut out all the roaches
They were crawling beneath my skin
But I diced them until they were dead
Now my body is covered in these pictures
And I know what’s beneath the surface
There is a reason you stretch a canvas over frame
But I stretched me too thin

Call me a monster
Tell me It gets brighter
But when your blood is blue its because its suffocating too
and everyone is just here to help
Don’t help me
The longest nights are the one’s I’ve probably yet to see
But I’m not interested
I got spiders in my mind thinking they are thoughts
Tripping through molasses and ginger so even the brightest moments taste a little bitter
But I’m holding on
I never want want my father to be put into the situation of
which tie is more black
Could sunglasses hide his eyes
Or should it be closed casket

He doesn’t mean it when he says these things
I know it because he still tells me that he loves me
Cries when he sees razors
And begs me to come visit more
So I push back the homeless crows
Untie all the nooses
Open all the curtains
Like it was a beautiful day outside
And call my father